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The other day I went in with a friend to report the abuse her exboyfriend had been inflicting on her and the recent threats that he has made. It wasn’t easy to convince her. She was so brave and I couldn’t be prouder of her. If you or anyone you know is being abused, or has raised the question of whether or not they have been, then hopefully this article will offer some help and resources.

Definition

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:

  • name-calling or putdowns
  • keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
  • withholding money
  • stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
  • actual or threatened physical harm
  • sexual assault
  • stalking
  • intimidation

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.
ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM! Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems.

If you are being abused, REMEMBER 

  1. You are not alone
  2. It is not your fault
  3. Help is available

What Exactly Is Abuse?

Many people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims. Also, abusers do not see themselves as being abusive. People often think of domestic violence as physical violence, such as hitting. However, domestic violence takes other forms, such as psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse.

Domestic violence is about one person in a relationship using a pattern of behaviors to control the other person. It can happen to people who are married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated, or dating.

If your partner repeatedly uses one or more of the following to control you; YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED!!

  • pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting
  • threatening you, your children, other family members or pets
  • threatening suicide to get you to do something
  • using or threatening to use a weapon against you
  • keeping or taking your paycheck
  • puts you down or makes you feel bad
  • forcing you to have sex or to do sexual acts you do not want or like
  • keeping you from seeing your friends, family or from going to work
  • Remember threatened or actual physical violence may be illegal. Consider calling the police for help

    This chart uses the wheel to show the relationship of physical abuse to other forms of abuse. Each part shows a way to control or gain power.

     

     

    Cycle of Violence

    Incident

    • Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

    Tension Building

    • Abuser starts to get angry
    • Abuse may begin
    • There is a breakdown of communication
    • Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
    • Tension becomes too much
    • Victim feels like they are ‘walking on egg shells’

    Making-Up

    • Abuser may apologize for abuse
    • Abuser may promise it will never happen again
    • Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
    • Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims 
    • Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
    • Physical abuse may not be taking place
    • Promises made during ‘making-up’ may be met
    • Victim may hope that the abuse is over
    • Abuser may give gifts to victim 

    How to Be Safe

    Call the police

    If you feel you are in danger from your abuser at any time, you can call 911 or your local police. HAVEN may be able to provide you with a cell phone that is programmed to only call 911. These phones are for when you need to call the police and cannot get to any other phone.

    Consider the following:

  • If you are in danger when the police come, they can protect you.
  • They can help you and your children leave your home safely.
  • They can arrest your abuser when they have enough proof that you have been abused.
  • They can arrest your abuser if a personal protection order (PPO) has been violated.
  • When the police come, tell them everything the abuser did that made you call.
  • If you have been hit, tell the police where. Tell them how many times it happened. Show them any marks left on your body. Marks may take time to show up. If you see a mark after the police leave, call the police to take pictures of the marks. They may be used in court.
  • If your abuser has broken any property, show the police.
  • The police can give you information on domestic violence programs and shelters.
  • The police must make a report saying what happened to you. Police reports can be used in court if your abuser is charged with a crime.
  • Get the officers’ names, badge numbers, and the report number in case you need a copy of the report.
  • A police report can be used to help you get a PPO.
  • Get support from friends and family

    Tell your supportive family, friends and co-workers what has happened.

    Find a safe place

    It is not fair. You should not have to leave your home because of what your abuser has done. But sometimes it is the only way you will be safe. There are shelters that can help you move to a different city or state. HAVEN can put you in touch with them.

    Get medical help

    If you have been hurt, go to the hospital or your doctor. Domestic violence advocates (people to help you) may be called to the hospital. They are there to give you support. You may ask medical staff to call one for you.

    Medical records can be important in court cases. They can also help you get a PPO. Give all the information about your injuries and who hurt you that you feel safe to give.

    Special medical concerns

    • Sometimes you may not even know you are hurt.
    • What seems like a small injury could be a big one.
    • If you are pregnant and you were hit in your stomach, tell the doctor. Many abusers hurt unborn children.
    • Domestic violence victims can be in danger of closed head injuries. This is because their abusers often hit them in the head. If any of these things happen after a hit to the head, get medical care right away.

    Get a personal protection order

    source: http://www.domesticviolence.org/

    Memory loss
    Dizziness
    Problems with eyesight
    Throwing-up
    Headache that will not go away

    Memory loss
    Dizziness
    Problems with eyesight
    Throwing-up
    Headache that will not go away

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    Feeling down? Romantic? Jealous? Bitter? In looove? Well have I got the thing for you! Thats right! Each and every one of you! TheFrisky.com has a survival guide for any kind of Valentine’s day you may be experiencing this year. From one for couples, single ladies, heartbroken gals, and even for the fellas – so I’m sure you’ll be able to find something useful. Check it out!

    http://www.thefrisky.com/valentines-survival-guide/?TrackID=HAD038

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    So, theres this girl named Melissa, and she started a blog. By doing so, she began Operation NICE. Now, as a person living in this world that daily, goes through so much with all of its people handling or simply not handling so much stuff, I belive a kind gesture does a lot of good. If everyone did one random, unnecesary, nice thing for someone else every day, then the world would be such a healthier, happier, better functioning place. Everyone deserves a little sunshine in their day, so join Operation NICE and do something, well, nice!

    Here is some more information:

    Site: http://www.operationnice.com/

      

    Melissa says: “I believe that kindness can change the world, so it’s my mission to spread the concept of being nice, as simple as that may sound.”

    About Operation NICE:

    Don’t you love it when people go out of their way to be nice? Like when someone waits to hold the door for you. Or when a stranger waves you into a line a traffic. Or even when a coworker shoots you a friendly smile along with a “have a nice day.” If everyone was a little bit nicer to the folks they encountered each day, perhaps the world would be a more pleasant place. Operation NICE was initiated to remind you that a little NICE goes a long way.

    Here is a post from operationnice.com:

    NICE Tips: Readers’ Suggestions!

    I was asking some of my buds on the HOW Design Forum for their NICE Testimonials, and Amanda put together a list of simple random acts of kindness. Missy and Kim added a few of their own as well.

    I thought it would be fun to compile a list right here! So post a comment with your suggestion(s) and I’ll edit the list to include it.

    •Give at least one sincere compliment a day and it doesn’t have to be much. Tell someone they have a nice smile, or you like their shoes or you envy their patience. If you look for it, you can find something positive to say about anyone.

    •If you buy something from a vending machine, leave the change in the change thingy for the next person. It’s funny how someone finding an unexpected quarter makes their day.

    •Make a bunch of small little notes that have positive messages like “Have a nice day!” or “Someone loves you” and hide them around a public area for random strangers to find. This is a good project for those who have kids.

    •Overtip your waitress.

    •Give an extra $5 when you pay for something (retail, fast food restaurant) and ask that they apply it to the next person in line.

    •If you pack lunches for your loved one, stick a small note telling them to have a great day. Similarly, hide small love letters in your significant others pockets/bags/jackets.

    •Clear the snow off a neighbor’s car after a big snowfall.

    •When you see a mom with a stroller going into a building – hold the door for her. She’ll appreciate it more than you’ll know!

    •Send a random e-Card to someone you haven’t talked to in a while for no special reason.

    •Put an extra nickel, dime or quarter in a parking meter for someone.

    •Leave flowers anonymously at a neighbors’, May Day style.

    •Make eye contact with people and smile.

    •Wave when someone lets you merge on the road.

    •Let someone who has five items at the grocery store go in front of you and your cart full of items.

    •Pay the toll of the car driving behind you.

    •Holiday season is a great time to recognize people who are underappreciated…leave some homemade goodies in your mailbox with a thank you note for your postal carrier.

    •Buy a current bestseller and donate it to the local library.

    •Give blood to the Red Cross.

    •When a waitress or other service person has been exceptional, let their manager know.

    •If you take walks around the neighborhood, bring along a bag and pick up trash as you go.

    •During the holidays, bring some hot chocolate or coffee to the bell ringers who are standing outside in cold weather.

    •Thank a co-worker or employee out of the blue for there hard work.

    •Let someone turn left when the light turns green because there is a long line of traffic behind you.

    •Give a child’s old toys to a shelter every holiday season instead of trashing them.

    •Buy a homeless person some water on a hot day.

    •Let someone pregnant or older sit in your seat when none are available.

    •Thank your spouse, significant other, roommate, mom, etc. whenever they prepare a meal for you. It shows great appreciation.

    •When making dinner, double the recipe and deliver dinner to a neighbor.

    •Offer your mail carrier, trash man or anyone else working out side on a hot day a bottle of water.

    •When someone you come in contact with is doing a good job, tell them.

    source:
    http://www.operationnice.com/2008/09/nice-tips-readers-suggestions.html

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    What Ryan Seacrest is doing is really interesting. Check it out – give back!

    http://www.ryanseacrest.com/blog/12-days

    Starting December 1st, for 12 days, Ryan Seacrest is encouraging you to give back this holiday season!

    Every day Ryan will Tweet information on a particular organization in need, along with how you can help!

    We’ve made it easy for you to donate online from home or work with a simple link directly to the organization’s donation page.

    Also, if you live in the Los Angeles area, we encourage you to take a moment of your day to join Ryan’s 102.7 KIIS-FM staff and stop by the organization with an item from their wish list!

    Follow Ryan for more details day-to-day at http://twitter.com/ryanseacrest.

    When twittering about ’12 Days,’ please use the hashtag #12daysofgiving.

    And remember, a small difference is a big difference!

     

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