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So we’ve all made our New Year’s resolutions already, right? Well before you dive head first into making sure you stick to them, you might want to check out this article from Cosmopolitan Magazine and make sure you have a GOOD resolution:

Here at Cosmo, we feel the same way about New Year’s resolutions as we do about rules — some are just meant to be broken. Here, 10 things that shouldn’t show up on any Cosmo girl’s list of do’s and don’ts for 2012.

BY ZOE RUDERMAN

1. Quit your job and wait for a dream career opportunity to present itself. Recession shmecession.
Reality check: 
Suck it up and hang on to your gig for now. Appease yourself by taking a class or picking up a hobby that will make your résumé stand out, like learning a foreign language or starting a blog.

2. Lose five pounds.
Reality check: 
Hot chicks like Beyoncé, Adele, Nicki Minaj and ScarJo are proof that toned and curvy is the new skinny.

3. Finally win back your ex-boyfriend.
Reality check: 
Move on. We give you permission to engage in some rebound relationship therapy.

4. Buy into all the latest trends.
Reality check: 
It’s okay to be a slave to fashion…just be a slave to cheap fashion, rather than dropping serious bank on each and every look. Kick yourself later for wearing it, but don’t kick yourself for blowing your paycheck on it.

5. Change your man.
Reality check:
 While some relationship tweaking is to be expected (hey, few guys are natural-born good kissers), if the words “fixer-upper” and “project” could describe your boyfriend, it’s time to get real.

6. Triple the number of friends you have on Facebook.
Reality check:
 Less time stalking your friends’ friends’ friends. More time catching up with buddies you actually care about.

7. Don’t eat any junk food.
Reality check:
 Cutting out all unhealthy food from your diet will most likely lead to binge eating, followed by intense guilt, by mid-January.

8. Watch less trashy TV.
Reality check: 
Zoning out and de-stressing for a bit every night with the help of good bad television is harmless.

9. Save more money.
Reality check:
Let’s be honest. In this economy, we’re just happy to be able to pay our rent, gas, and credit card bill.

10. Keep your number down.
Reality check:
 Nothin’ wrong with notches on your bedpost, as long as you’re being safe.

Source:  Resolutions Not to Make This Year – Cosmopolitan

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When your man is stressed out, you both suffer. Not to worry — these sweet, pampering moves will send Mr. Cranky Pants packing… and earn you major girlfriend brownie points.

By Jennifer Benjamin

Sure, stress sucks for him, but it’s no picnic for you either. When something is eating at him — whether he’s had a bad day at work, money is tight, or his favorite team just lost a big game — he doesn’t have the energy to give your relationship the attention it deserves. "Stress is a major stumbling block for couples," explains JoAnn Magdoff, PhD, a psychotherapist in private practice in New York. "It’s difficult to feel connected to your partner when he’s anxious or distracted."
Of course, you could just plop him down in front of the TV and wait for the storm to pass, but we have a much better solution. Treat your guy to a few stress busters that will help him return to his former, fun self.

 

1. Treat His Feet

Giving your man a foot rub probably doesn’t fall too high on your list of favorite things to do, so the fact that you’re even offering it lets him know just how much you care. Plus, it feels damn good. "We hold a lot of tension in our feet that connects to other spots on our bodies, so working out the kinks there can help relax us all over," says Jamie Ahn, owner of Townhouse Spa in New York City.
Her tips for giving the ultimate foot rub: First, pop a small, damp washcloth in the microwave for a minute. Find a cushy spot where you’ll both feel comfortable, and have him lie down with his feet in your lap. Then use the toasty washcloth to cleanse his feet, which will warm the area and, for your sake, eliminate any foul odors.
Rub a half dollar-size dollop of an essential oil or body lotion in your hands, grasp the arch of his foot with one hand, and rotate the foot in circles, moving clockwise to the right, down toward you, up to the left, and back toward him to loosen up the joints and muscles. Next, take both thumbs and move them up the bottom of the foot, from the arches to the toe pads and outward. Repeat multiple times.
Between kneading moves, intermittently take your hands and gently glide them all over his foot and up and down his calf. Lastly, gently pull each toe. Then give the other foot the same treatment. Once you’re finished, clean his feet once again with a warm, damp washcloth.

2. Whip Up Some Comfort Food

If you are overwhelmed, you might want to curl up on the couch with a box of chocolates and a bag of buttery popcorn. Men, on the other hand, usually want a hearty, stick-to-the-ribs meal, though they may not even be cognizant of the fact. So it falls on you to create home-cooked fare he will love. "When it comes to comfort food, the simpler, the better," says Food Network chef Dave Lieberman, author of Dave’s Dinners. "The classics, like chicken soup, steak, and mashed potatoes, are always winners…and even better, they are easy to make."
The presentation should be equally fuss free. "You don’t even need to bother setting the table," adds Lieberman. "Just bring out what you need and put it on the coffee table so it doesn’t feel labor intensive and there’s no pressure for it to seem like a special occasion."
A few Dave-recommended menus: roast chicken with mashed potatoes, pan-grilled rib-eye steak with sautéed spinach, and pasta with a hearty meat sauce and garlic bread.

3. Tuck Him In

No, you’re not his mother, but if you see him sleeping on the couch or passed out on top of his bed, throw a blanket over him. This nurturing move brings him back to a kidlike place subconsciously, when paying rent or getting ahead at work didn’t weigh so heavily on his mind. There’s also a bonding benefit.
"Even in a sleep state, he’ll feel a surge of affection from your caring gesture," says Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles psychologist specializing in relationships and self-esteem. "You’re making him comfortable, keeping him warm, and showing him that you pay attention to what his needs are."

4. Make Music

"Music is one of those rare channels that allow men to express their feelings more naturally, whether they’re playing air guitar or even singing," explains Magdoff. "It helps them get out any mindset." When he pops in a playlist, he mentally transports himself back to a great concert, spring break, or his first date with you.
To help bring him to that feel-good mental state, have him lie down, and plug his headphones into your iPod. While you’re both lying there, scroll around, playing stuff that will make him smile. "It’s an instant mood-lifter and an opportunity to show just how well you understand him by choosing songs you know he loves," says Thomas.

5. Cross a Chore Off His To-Do List

No one enjoys ironing shirts, doing laundry, or cleaning the bathroom, so if you jump in and do it for him at a particularly stressful time, he’ll be eternally grateful — especially since the burden of all the things he has to do may be stressing him out even more. "By dealing with one of his mundane tasks, you’re taking some of the load off of him," explains psychoanalyst Gail Saltz, MD, author of Anatomy of a Secret Life. "It’s also a labor of love that shows him you’re invested in making his life easier in whatever way you can."

6. Have Just-for-Him Sex

If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to put a man at ease, it’s a mind-numbing sexual release. Unfortunately, he often is so caught up in making sure you orgasm, he stresses himself out even more. "Guys become so concerned about performing for you, they’re not able to enjoy the sexual experience as much," says Dr. Saltz. "Obviously, you like him to ante up for you, but occasionally, he’ll appreciate sex that’s all about him and his pleasure."
So tell your guy: "Since you’re always such a rock star for me in bed, I’d like to return the favor and tonight just make you happy." Not only are you giving him a free pass, but see how we threw a little ego boost in there as well? You can further alleviate any pressure to please you by offering him oral sex instead of intercourse.

7. Give Him a Warm Wake-Up Call

No noise is worse than the sound of your alarm clock jarring you awake on a weekday morning. A more pleasant alternative is rousing him yourself. As soon as you hear his alarm sound, quickly reach over and switch it off (it’ll be easier if it’s already on your side of the bed). Then make him a cup of coffee, and bring it to him. "You’re starting his day off with a warmer, softer approach, which sets a more relaxed tone for the rest of the day," says Dr. Saltz.

8. Add a Special Touch

Maybe you already do nice things, like making his bed or cracking open a cold beer for him so he doesn’t have to get off the couch. "But once it becomes a habit, it loses some of its effect, so sometimes, put a twist on it," explains psychologist David Niven, PhD, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships.
Some sweeter-than-usual suggestions: Top off his bowl of ice cream with crumbled bits of cookie, put a dash of cinnamon or cocoa in his morning coffee, or leave his beer mug in the freezer all day so it’s iced by the time he gets home. "These treats are not only thoughtful, but they give him permission to indulge and live his life, rather than worry about his waistline," adds Thomas.
You don’t have to go the food route either — maybe replace his everyday shaving cream with a high-end, luxe brand or throw his towel in the dryer right before he gets out of the shower so it’s nice and heated up when he wraps it around his body.

9. Create Sudsy Fun

Speaking of showers, when your brain is fried and your muscles are tense, sometimes the best thing is a hot shower or bath. And it’s even better if you join him.
"Water has relaxing, therapeutic properties already, and when you enter into the equation, it becomes a sensual experience as well," says Dr. Saltz. "You can pamper him, and possibly even put him in the mood, by getting the shower or bath ready, making sure the water is warm, and setting out sexy-smelling bath oils." Also, let’s not ignore the fact that you’ll be buck naked the whole time. That’s a surefire way to help him forget about his hectic day.

10. Play Hooky

When was the last time you two spent an entire Saturday or Sunday indoors, doing nothing but watching movies in your pajamas? Sounds good, right? "In our fast-paced world, we feel the pressure to be productive all the time," explains Thomas. "That’s why it’s so important to lock yourself away every now and then; and if you do it as a couple, it feels fun rather than antisocial."
So rent a whole bunch of light, brainless flicks that you will both enjoy (like comedies and action films — skip the documentaries on the world’s various problems). "The point is to give your mind a break, not overwhelm it with more anxiety-provoking thoughts," says Thomas. Then hole up at your pad all day, completely guilt free. Consider this an essential opportunity to recharge as a couple.

 

source: www.cosmopolitan.com

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A new study from Purdue University found that when men feel they’re being treated unfairly, they gain more weight over time than women do. The researchers suggest that guys get pudgy because being treated poorly stresses them out, so they’re likely to turn to food for comfort. Here are five things you might be doing that give him major anxiety—and how you can keep him sane (and slim) without sacrificing your own peace of mind.

By Carolyn Kylstra

Read more: What Stresses Men Out – Things Women Do That Bother Men – Cosmopolitan

1. You Hold a Grudge

People whose partners recover well from fights report higher relationship satisfaction, according to research published in the journal Psychological Science. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true: When you hold on to and keep bringing up past beef, even after the fight is supposedly resolved, your dude is going to be unhappy in the relationship.

Do This Instead: When you’re having an argument, address only the specific problem at hand, and resist bringing up issues in the past or perceived patterns of behavior based on one or two unrelated incidents. To that end, avoid the words never or always, as in, “You never want to hang out with my friends,” or “You always forget to take out the trash.”

2. You Issue an Ultimatum

Fighting is never fun, but fighting dirty drives him totally coo-coo. Researchers from Baylor University found that the way a person perceives his partner’s emotions during an argument impacts how he feels. Specifically, when he senses that you’re trying to assert power (by being hostile, critical, blaming, or controlling), he takes it as a threat—which triggers major stress on his part. Delivering an ultimatum is the prime example of you trying to dominate the relationship: Do this, or I’ll leave you. It leaves him feeling powerless…and furious.

Do This Instead: Explain how his actions affect you, rather than issuing an order. Say something along the lines of, “It makes me feel like you don’t care about me when ______.” Besides, wouldn’t you rather he fix his mistakes because he wants to, rather than because he has to?

3. You Give Him the Silent Treatment

That same Baylor University study discovered that people get upset when their partners act distant and cold. Freezing him out makes him feel neglected, another source of stress.

Do This Instead: If you’re the type of person who needs to clear her head before you have a serious talk, tell him straight up that you need a breather, give him a specific length of time (fifteen minutes, one day), and then promise that you’ll discuss the situation at the end of that time.

4. You Bite His Head Off After a Long Day

Surprisingly, guys are a lot more vulnerable to relationship ups and downs than women are, according to a Wake Forest University study. Researchers believe it’s because women have an outlet to express their concerns—we turn to our friends—whereas for guys, their significant other tends to be their primary source of intimate conversation. So when you’re acting a little bit nutty, he has no one to turn to talk about it.

Do This Instead: Check yourself before you snap at him for something silly. Are you actually stressed out or annoyed for an unrelated reason, like work or friend drama, and just taking it out on him? It might seem like not a big deal, but when you let your feelings run wild, you may end up hurting him more than he lets on.

5. You Play It Too Cool

You already know that acting needy is a turn-off…but pulling away too much can also backfire. Recent research published in Psychological Science reveals that couples get rocky when one person’s commitment level is different from the other’s. While it’s true that not returning his text for a day or two will pique his interest if you’re still in the early dating stages, once you’re in a committed relationship, it’s just going to make his cortisol levels skyrocket.

Do This Instead: Ditch the games, especially after you’re official. While it’s definitely good to have your own life apart from him (weekly girls’ night, spinning class, etc.), the only time it makes sense to purposely distance yourself is if he’s pulling away a bit. In that case, creating some space ups a guy’s interest; any other time, it just makes him feel anxious and confused.

Read more: What Stresses Men Out – Things Women Do That Bother Men – Cosmopolitan

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In the last week, Britney Spears has been all over TV performing songs from her latest album, Femme Fatale. The music is pretty awesome but what really made our jaws drop was her body. She looks better than ever and we just had to know the drill. So we asked celebrity trainer, and author of Ultimate You, Joe Dowdell how to score the pop icon’s slim and toned physique. He says these are the three key things:

By Bethany Heitman

Sleep, a Lot

Dowdell swears that getting enough rest (about seven to eight hours for most people) and drinking lots of water is the first step to getting a slammin’ bod. The reason: Your body needs to be well rested and hydrated in order to burn calories properly.

Mix Up Your Cardio

For maximum results, you’ve got to do intervals—alternating slower with more intense cardio. Studies show the easy-hard-easy-hard pattern encourages your body to refuel throughout your workout, so you keep up your energy longer. Dowdell suggests this routine: Hope on the bike and warm up at a medium pace for 3-5 minutes. Then up the resistance and peddle as hard as you can for a full minute before going back to a medium pace for two minutes. Repeat this 6 times.

Work Your Muscles

According to Dowdell, Brit has such toned thighs, sculpted abs and a great ass all due to resistance training. His three favorite moves:

The Glute Bridge: Lay on your back with your knees bent and your feel planted on the floor. Lift your hips and hold for five seconds while squeezing your butt muscles before coming back down. Doing two sets of ten will give you a nice firm booty.

Push-Ups: You’re probably pretty familiar with this classic. But, here’s a refresher: Facing the floor, keep your hands at shoulder level and your feet together (legs outstretched). Lift your body from a few inches off the floor all the way up until your arms are straight, and come back down. It’s important to keep your back straight. Regularly doing two sets of 10 will work your triceps and your core (giving you great abs!).

The Split Squat: While standing, place one foot in front of your body with the knee slightly bent and the other behind you so just your toes are on the ground (the back leg is for balance only and shouldn’t do any of the work). With your weight on your front heel, lower your body straight down and stop when your knee is an inch above the floor. Raise your knee back up and repeat. Do two sets of ten and then switch legs.

Read more: Fitness Advice On How To Get Britney’s Body – Tips On Getting Celeb Britney Spears’ Body – Cosmopolitan

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Screw anyone who tells you to "just calm down." In certain situations, it’s completely legitimate to blow your lid.

By Korin Miller

We cracked up after reading a recent report about a woman who lost it and tried to attack her roommate after she wolfed down the last of her Thin Mints. Because, on some level, we kind of understood where she was coming from. There are times when you can’t help but flip out.

Not only that, studies have shown it’s actually good to blow your top every now and again (well, to a point — we don’t recommend you go starting any fist-fights). "Suppressed anger is related to depression and chronic health concerns for women," says psychologist Sally Stabb, PhD, co-author of The Anger Advantage. Lesson learned: Let it out.

We came up with a list of moments when losing your cool is so justified — tell us what you last freaked out about something in the comments section.

1. The drug store clerk just did an intercom price check for your vaginal itch cream.
2. You overdrafted on your checking account by two cents, making the actual cost of your gum $25.99.
3. Your boyfriend tossed your bullet vibrator because he thought it was an old stereo part.
4. That $300 designer dress you splurged on? Yeah, the same one is in the 90 percent off bin at TJ Maxx.
5. Your guy showed up 45 minutes late…to your wedding.
6. After asking your hair stylist for a trim, you ended up looking like Natalie Portman…in V For Vendetta.

source: www.cosmopolitan.com

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Skipping the gym to catch a Real Housewives marathon? Screw the guilt. These expert tricks will help you painlessly blast calories at home without missing a second of your favorite shows.

By Korin Miller

1. Jump rope for two-minute intervals. Repeat four times. (111 calories)

2. Run up and down the stairs of your apartment building or house during a commercial break. (42 calories)

3. Stand in front of your couch, squat until your butt is just above the seat cushions, and hold that position for one minute. Repeat four times. (80 calories)

4. Lie down on the floor on your side and do leg lifts for five minutes. (50 calories)

5. Do arm circles for one minute. Repeat two more times. (20 calories)

6. Sprint to the bathroom, hover over the toilet seat while you pee, and sprint back. (30 calories)

7. Grab three-pound weights or two soup cans and do one minute each of lifting for your triceps (put your hands behind your head, with your elbows at your ears and lift the weight up and down). Do three sets. (17 calories)

8. Sit on an exercise ball and do one minute of ab curls. Repeat four times. (50 calories)

9. If you’re not down with that, work your core by simply sitting on the ball for an hour. (38 calories)

10. Stand approximately five feet away from the TV and do lunges for five minutes. (37 calories)

11. Lie down in front of the TV and hold yourself in the plank position for one minute. Repeat two times. (35 calories)

12. Lie down on your couch and scoot around until your back is on the cushions and your legs are resting on the seat back, at a 90 degree angle to your waist. Curl your torso up towards your legs in a crunch and release. Keep doing them for an entire commercial break. (30 calories)

SOURCES: Nutritionist Heather Bauer, founder of Nu-Train nutrition counseling center in Manhattan; dietician Tanya Zuckerbrot, creator of the F-Factor Diet; personal trainer Brooke Maronne, founder of Brooke Maronne Fitness

source: www.cosmopolitan.com

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Want to look as pretty as possible in 2011? Then vow to follow some (or all!) of these great ideas.

By Christie Griffin

1. Repeat your greatest hits.
You’ve got 608 pictures of yourself tagged on Facebook. It’s time to do some serious clicking and hunt for the photos in which you look the best. If you love the pics where your hair is tousled, make an effort to rock that look more often.

2. Clean your cell phone.
Ever notice that the right side of your jaw has a few more bumps than you’d expect? That could be from all the bacteria on your cell phone. If you have an iPhone or a touch screen, it’s best to pick up a cleaning kit from a store like Best Buy. For other phones, you can get away with using a tiny bit of rubbing alcohol on a tissue and gently wiping down your phone.

3. Don’t buy moisturizer without SPF.
Even in the winter. And while we’re on this topic: If you skip the protection because you want to look like you hail from Brazil, you’ll look like you’re 15 years older later. P.S.: Schedule that skin cancer screening, too. (Can you tell Cosmo is all about about practicing safe sun?!)

4. Try a "beauty dare" once a month.
It’s liberating and can help you revive your look, surprise your man, and unleash your inner beauty diva. Once every few weeks, be bold with some red lips or an elaborate hair piece or nail decals or…you get the point.

5. Upgrade your regimen.
Maybe you’ve been using the same moisturizer since you were 17. That’s cute and all, but now that you’re 27, you probably need a new formula. Not to mention some eye cream. Set aside some time to figure out what you should be doing at your age, and then put your plan into motion.

6. Pay for your hair sins.
We’d never tell you to part with your beloved hair straightener or stop the highlights, but you gotta pay penance for the damage you do to your tresses. Get regular trims, do weekly deep-conditioning treatments, and give your hair a break from the blow dryer whenever possible.

7. Go green.
Trying to be eco-friendly with every product you use can be overwhelming. So just make it a point to switch one thing in early 2011. Then, whenever it’s time to make a new purchase, browse the eco-friendly beauty loot instead of automatically buying your regular products.

8. Put a cap on your bad habits.
We all have our vices. But that doesn’t make them okay, especially if you want to look your best. Smoking leads to wrinkles, heavy drinking can dehydrate your skin…don’t make us lecture you.

9. Stop picking.
Your cuticles. The mascara off your eyelashes. Your zits. Whatever it is you feel the itch to pick, keep your hands off it!

10. Get your beauty sleep.
Like you need to hear this? But still, it’s worth repeating since restless nights can wreak havoc on your health and appearance. Try an eye mask if you have trouble shutting the world out.

There are tons more great beauty resolutions you can make, from washing your face every night to laying off the thick eyeliner. Tell us your beauty must-do’s for 2011!

source: www.cosmopolitan.com

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Comedian Dane Cook isn’t just hilarious and hot. He’s also pretty damn insightful when it comes to relationships, hook-ups, and the best way to pick up a man. We got the former Cosmo Fun Fearless Male to give us a sneak peek into the male mind.

By Zoe Ruderman

 

1. All guys want this gift

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related. Also, one girlfriend got me an amazing vintage chair. She said, “You’ll work on your career from here.” It was so thoughtful and personal, not a mall gift certificate.

2. They believe in love (or at least, lust) at first sight

I once had a bit of a whirlwind romance while I was on the road. There was a girl at the show and I had an affinity for her the moment I hit the stage. It [wasn’t] just that she was attractive. There was an essence. I was really smitten. It was we like a speed dating round. We knew it would end, but it still ended with a kiss.

3. A woman who has her own thing going on is so sexy

I was in a couple relationships that got a little needy, where I was the one keeping it exciting. That would always bum me out. I’m completely ecstatic when a woman has own back story and brings something to the table and has a real strong kind of independence.

4. They crave romance too

Truth be told, some of our favorite moments [are when] you say, “I booked a dinner for us. At a restaurant near the beach. With candles.” We’re just not going to brag about it and we might call it cheesy to our friends, but we really like it.

5. Do this when they cry

Here’s the big reveal: when your guy is crying (and yes, all men cry), give him chocolate.

6. There’s nothing worse than not speaking up when something bothers you

You’ve gotta share what’s going on in your mind. You may think, ‘He already has so much on your mind, I don’t want to burden him’, but that’s not good for a relationship.

7. A bad joke is the best way to pick up a guy

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke. And even if it bombs heinously, we’ll still love it. In fact, you almost don’t want the joke to work. That way we want to come to your aid and make you feel better by buying you a drink.

Pick up Dane Cook’s new album, “I Did My Best”. And check out Dane next spring in the Broadway production of "Fat Pig".

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If you’ve recently fantasized about slapping a too-slow cashier or stabbing a rude party guest, you’d better read these nerve-soothing tips, pronto.

By Zoe Ruderman

This time of year can try even the sweetest chick’s patience — what with crowded stores, too many parties (and hangovers), and annoying family demands — and experts are saying this month will be a "perfect storm" of stress because of financial worries on top of everything else.

"Stressful situations increase cortisol levels and cause a dip in feel-good hormones," explains Claire Wheeler, MD, PhD, author of 10 Simple Solutions to Stress. "And since women are conditioned not to express their anger in an aggressive and direct way, they deal with those hormonal changes in what seems like a more subtle manner: by getting in a bad mood." Meaning, we get bitchy. In the interest of not totally losing your shit, we suggest you read our 10 strategies for keeping cool.

1. Schedule tasks that are making you anxious — like buying a dress for a party or finishing a tough work assignment — for early in the day. If you leave them for later, you’ll spend more time worrying and end up snapping at people.

2. Take a coffee break with friends or coworkers rather than going solo. A study found that getting a caffeine fix in a group lowered stress levels. But sipping coffee alone left people feeling more stressed.

3. Bookmark these sites: CollegeHumor.com and FunnyorDie.com. According to one study, anticipating watching a funny video can reduce stress hormones by up to 70 percent.

4. Practice saying the word no. Women, being social creatures, tend to feel obligated to show up for everything they’re invited to. But saying yes to something when you don’t really want to go leaves you bitter and annoyed. Tell people you’re prepping for a presentation, then enjoy the free time.

5. Make a budget for gifts, going out, and travel. It’s a drag to do and you may not stick to it, but feeling in control of your finances helps squash anxiety.

6. Lock lips with your guy. Psychologists found that even just a little bit of physical contact is enough to lower your blood pressure and make you feel calmer.

7. Do short, high-intensity workouts. Research found they have a greater effect on stress than slower-paced exercise does. So instead of an hour of yoga, hit the treadmill on high for 20 minutes.

8. Or if you’re feeling too beat to work out, skip the treadmill and relax in the sauna at your gym (or take a steamy shower). A study found that pampering yourself — even for a few minutes — calms you down.

9. If you feel ready to snap — at the rude cashier or airline clerk — talk slower. When you’re tense, you speak more rapidly, which changes your body’s chemistry and turns you into an F-bomb-dropping machine. Talking at a calmer pace will chill you out, and you’ll be more likely to get what you want.

10. Skip the New Year’s resolutions. While you might think that giving yourself goals is a positive thing, they’ll make you feel inadequate and pressured rather than hopeful and happy. Instead, make some great plans for January.

Sources: Journal of Behavioral Medicine; Oklahoma State University; Research Quarterly For Exercise and Sport; Edwin Riley, Phd, Author of Stress Rx; University of Bristol; University of California at Irvine; Claire Wheeler, Phd, Md.

source: www.cosmopolitan.com

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Even though you swear your exes are totally different, experts say most women have a relationship pattern they keep going back to. See how to break yours for a love that won’t leave you hurting.

By Korin Miller

We were shocked when we heard that the first guy Rihanna seriously dated after Chris Brown had been accused of domestic abuse by an ex-girlfriend. After everything she went through, it would seem as if she’d be repulsed by men with that kind of reputation.

Turns out, the opposite is more likely to be true. "Most of us have a relationship pattern — that same type of guy we keep falling for — and it can work for or against us," says couples therapist Deborah Dunn, author of Stupid About Men. "It’s not uncommon for women to keep going back to the type that wronged them in the past." How do you change whom you’re drawn to dating? It’s not easy, but it starts with figuring out where your attraction to these guys came from in the first place.

Family Ties

Experts say we develop our taste in men at a young age — anywhere from childhood to adolescence. "Whether it’s positive or negative, everyone has a relationship pattern based on what they learned about love when they were growing up," says Alon Gratch, PhD, author of If Love Could Think.

Repeatedly choosing the wrong guys signals that you may be driven to re-create the drama you had with your father or first boyfriend. Many women who had an absentee dad or let the arrogant JV football captain string them along for years will go for men who are unavailable or talk down to them because they’re subconsciously trying to resolve things with the guy who let them down earlier in life, says Dunn — even though, clearly, that’s not solving anything.

Women in these toxic patterns get hooked on the ups and downs of their relationships and can form what experts call betrayal bonds, which cause them to feel even more attached to men who show them these extreme — and sometimes ultimately dangerous — forms of attention. "You eventually feel like a guy doesn’t love you unless he’s either yelling in your face or trying to win you back," Dunn says.

Break the Cycle

All guys have less-than-admirable moments, but there are major tip-offs that your type is bad for you. Consistently feeling worse about yourself as you become more involved with a boyfriend is a giveaway that something isn’t right, says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Love in 90 Days. Other red flags: feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around a guy and dropping everything to spend time with him even though he’s proven he wouldn’t do the same for you. And while only you know what your relationships are really like, pay attention if your friends and family disapprove of every man you date, says Gratch.

To alter whom you’re attracted to, you need to believe that what you’ve experienced isn’t how love has to or should be, says Dunn. Ask friends who are happy in their relationships to describe how their guy behaves toward them so you can hear what you’re missing out on. Or if you’re coming off yet another bad breakup, consider seeing a therapist to make peace with the guy who originally wronged you, recommends Kirschner. For extra motivation, picture what your life could be like in 10 years if you’re still choosing men who treat you badly versus men who will care for you in a positive way. Which future do you want?

source: www.cosmopolitan.com

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