Posts Tagged ‘romance’

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.

– Ashton Kutcher

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The qualities that make a guy fall head over heels all have one intriguing thing in common.

By Robin Hilmantel
source: www.cosmopolitan.com

Glossy lips and amazing cleavage will inspire a guy to cross a crowded room, but when it comes to triggering that hit-by-a-truck (in a good way) feeling, less obvious factors are at play. “Although guys might not even realize it, they have several deep-seated fears about commitment that may stop them from pursuing a woman,” says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Love in 90 Days. “And on a subconscious level, they’re instantly attracted to personality traits that put those fears at ease.” You likely already possess the tantalizing traits Kirschner is referring to. The trick is knowing how to play them up when you’re face-to-face with a worthy guy. Put the following advice into action and the only thing he’ll have to be afraid of is falling in love too fast.

Ignore Him After Five Minutes

You’ve just met an incredibly gorgeous guy, and he doesn’t even have a Brody Jenner–size ego to match. “At this point, a lot of women want to shower the guy with attention because that’s how we treat girlfriends we like,” Kirschner says. “But that can make a guy feel pressured, and being pressured into a relationship is something many men worry about.” The smarter move? Don’t act so impressed.

Refusing to be wowed easily will send the message that not only are you not pressuring him, but you may even be slightly out of reach. “Because men are biologically hardwired to be competitive, they need to feel like they’re making the choice to be with you and then working toward winning you over,” says John Amodeo, PhD, author of The Authentic Heart. “You need to give a guy the space to do that.” Instead of focusing on him, pay just as much (and, at times, even more) attention to others around you, advises clinical psychologist Belisa Vranich, PsyD, author of He’s Got Potential.

And when he mentions having done something undeniably awesome, like studying abroad in Nepal, resist the urge to gush about how amazing that must have been. Play it cool by maintaining a low-key tone, and challenge him to prove how smart he is by saying “That’s a curious choice. What made you decide to go there?” By questioning him (instead of going all awestruck), you’ll trigger his competitive instincts.

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

It doesn’t matter how drop-dead sexy your outfit is. If you’re not confident about and comfortable with your body, a guy can tell — and be turned off — in a matter of minutes. “If you move with confidence and sensuality, it’s a sign that you’re going to be just as confident and sensual in the bedroom,” Vranich says, “which squashes any worries he might have that he’s going to date a hot girl only to find out she’s never in the mood.” In other words, a perfectly timed lip lick or sensual stretch might as well be catnip for men.

If you’re a normally confident chick who can get nervous around guys — especially hot ones — try focusing on little details around you. You can’t pay attention to how the bartender is constructing his signature cocktail and psych yourself out at the same time. “Projecting your attention outward instead of inward helps you relax,” Kirschner says.

Once you’re feeling more comfortable, try dragging your fingers slowly along your collarbone, massaging your neck, or arching your back while letting him see and/or hear (try letting out a little mmm…). When he sees how good you’re making yourself feel, he’ll subconsciously assume that you’re someone who loves to give and get pleasure.

Show Off Your Playful Side

Okay, so you probably already know that guys go gaga for fun girls and steer clear of chicks who seem uptight. But you’ll never guess why. “A lot of guys are afraid that the second they commit to a girl, they’ll turn into one of those couples who fight all the time,” Kirschner says. A playful attitude shows him you have a sense of humor, and he assumes that any woman who laughs easily is going to be a helluva lot more pleasant to break out the boxing gloves with.

“What do guys do with other guys when they’re at odds? They have fun and make fun of each other,” says dating coach Evan Marc Katz, author of Why You’re Still Single. “Guys don’t fight dirty with their male friends; they just mess around.” Ideally, that’s the way he wants it to be with you.

“Being playful shows that you can reframe bad things in a positive light and laugh at them, not get too worked up about them,” Vranich says. If he’s wearing a goofy shirt, tease him about it. Or if you spill your wine or say something stupid, laugh it off instead of freezing up. A guy will especially read into how you talk about other relationships, so show him that you’re the type who doesn’t freak out easily by telling him a funny story about the time your friend’s BF totally botched the first meeting with her parents…and how it cracked you up.

Talk About What You Really Love

That initial conversation you have with him is the perfect time to mention that you just went to your first foreign-film festival or have suddenly become obsessed with running or cooking or whatever. You’ll simultaneously be clueing him in to what you like and putting one of men’s biggest relationship fears to rest: boredomphobia.

“Men are looking for excitement, they’re looking for high energy, they’re looking for passion in a relationship,” Kirschner says. “So they’re inherently more attracted to someone who’s thrilled to try new things.”

Whether a guy knows it or not, there’s a scientific reason why his natural preference for passionate chicks pays off. Studies show that doing something you’ve never done before leads to the creation of the brain chemical dopamine, which creates feelings similar to romantic infatuation. So if he’s with a girl who loves to do fun and interesting things every weekend, the dopamine will keep flowing and they’re both more likely to stay madly in love.

To show him that life with you could never be boring, let him know that you’re prepared to sell your soul for tickets to see your favorite band in concert next month or that you can make 10 kinds of salsa that are all 100 times better than what’s on the bar. In other words, don’t hold back when it comes to what you love. He’ll be wowed by your enthusiasm — even if he couldn’t care less about your obsession.

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Source: www.thefrisky.com

Posted by: Catherine Strawn Filed in: relationships
11:00AM, Saturday February 20th 2010

quality time with significant otherWith long work hours and busy socialschedules, alone time with a significant other isn’t as easy to come by as most of us would like. But as the saying goes, quality, not quantity, is what’s important. We asked Frisky readers for their advice on making every second count. Keep reading for five tips for bonding with your boo when the clock’s a-ticking.

We always try to go to bed at the same time. That way we can snuggle for a while before we fall asleep, even if that’s only 10 minutes. To be able to just relax together with no outside factors is liberating, and reminds me every day how lucky I am. No matter what time we go to bed, no matter how busy our day is, it’s something we can work in. Sometimes we listen to records, or an iPod hooked up to the speakers as we fall asleep.
 Usually, if we aren’t extra exhausted, this leads to chatting about our day, working out conflicts in our newly soothed state, and just appreciating each other. It also keeps our sex-life fresh, and helps us connect as if we had just fallen in love. Both of us find that cuddling is a huge stress-reliever and if we keep it on the regular, like we do with sex, our overall relationship is healthier and stress-free.


My boyfriend and I get quite busy, but we are sure to find time together to spend quality time.
 When we first started hanging out, we would often get a little pack of a California roll from a nearby supermarket, bring it back to my place, and watch our favorite show, “30 Rock.” As time went on, we began scheduling these “30 Rock” and sushi nights. It’s just a fun, relaxing night with sushi (albeit, not the best quality but that’s not the point), laughter, PJs, tickle fights, and kisses. Another thing we would do is make up all sorts of stupid kisses. We included more nationalities like German, Polish, and Italian kisses … there are sloppy kisses, tiny kisses, suction kisses. So, I guess my tip is two-fold. Have a special kind of night with PJs and laughter. Those are the best kind of nights to spend quality time together. After you’re tired from laughing so much, you can fall onto your bed with your special someone and doze off. Also, have a silly game like our kissing one. It’s something you share with only your partner, like a cute secret. I believe being silly and goofy with a BF or GF is one great way of becoming closer to them, opening yourself up, and bonding.

oh hey

It may seem odd, but we get a lot of quality time during drives to and from the actual romantic destination where we’re meant to spend quality time. That’s why I have started to prefer driving instead of flying lately. We can chat about silly things like celebrity gossip, but we can also get into some pretty deep conversations. Driving back from a little Valentine’s Day getaway, my husband and I discussed our retirement plans and what we each need to do in our respective careers to get to where we would like to be. This is a conversation that requires a few hours, and long drives are a rare respite from emails and even phones if you’re driving through an area where the reception is bad.


Twice a year, we make each other “relationship flashcards.” We each do it separately and then flip through them together, reliving the things we’ve done in the past six months: the good, the bad, the funny, the ugly and the awkward. Inevitably we have different lists, and we relish the fact that one of us remembered something the other one totally forgot about. We get to have each moment together twice (and the not-so-good moments are 10 times better when we can look back and laugh, even at our explosive fights).

Margaret Kelly

In the evening, we lay together on the couch and he holds a book or magazine so that we can both read it at the same time. We talk to each other more than if we’re watching TV, and unlike reading while sitting side-by-side, we get to cuddle. Sometimes it’s a short article in a magazine and sometimes it’s a whole chapter of a book, but it’s always a great way to de-stress and relax before bed.


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Feeling down? Romantic? Jealous? Bitter? In looove? Well have I got the thing for you! Thats right! Each and every one of you! TheFrisky.com has a survival guide for any kind of Valentine’s day you may be experiencing this year. From one for couples, single ladies, heartbroken gals, and even for the fellas – so I’m sure you’ll be able to find something useful. Check it out!


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