Love & Separation

Dear readers,

I decided to start a blog about my boyfriend’s and my relationship when I found out we would be taking it long-distance. I thought that someday, it might be nice to look back and see how it went, in terms of thoughts and maybe it could even help other couples going through the same sort of things. So that’s all this is; a collection of photos, graphics, stories, and diary-type entries. Feel free to comment, ask questions, or just plain read through the blog. It is however, a work in progress. Soon I hope to have fun links, helpful advice, and more.

http://loveandseparation.wordpress.com/

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What kills 4 women a day?

Relationship violence.

10 Surprising Warning Signs You’re Dating an Abusive Guy:

You’d have to be crazy to hook up with an abuser, right? That’s what I thought, but after working on our relationship violence story for six months, I was shocked by how smart and cool the women who get fooled are. The thing is, these guys are super charmers, pulling off Oscar-worthy performances of Mr. Dream Dude—at least while they’re wooing you. And then, when they’ve got you madly in love with them, ka-bang, their violent true colors start showing.

The good news: there are definite danger sings a guy is an abuser before he ever raises a fist—and they start with you just having a funny feeling in your pit of your stomach. Because possessiveness and control are major red flags, Cindy Southworth, a VP at the National Network to End Domestic Violence, suggests this little test: “Break a date at the beginning when he’s all hot and heavy, and tell him your girlfriend needs you. If he says, ‘I’m disappointed but I understand,’ great. But if it’s, ‘I can’t bear to be apart,’ or he makes you feel guilty, puts your friend down, or gets angry, these are not good signs!”

Here are a few other red flags from Southworth and the whole team of experts at the National Network to End Domestic Violence, both for you and—in case you’re worried about a friend—for her:

Watch out if your guy:
1. Is so crazy about you he wants to settle in as soon as you meet.

2. Is really, weirdly jealous. (He should be uncomfortable if go away for the weekend with your ex-boyfriend, but if he accuses you of flirting with every guy you encounter—the waiter, the cashier, a gay buddy—it’s a red flag.)
3. Texts so much, it sometimes creeps you out.

5. Doesn’t think your friends and family value you enough, or even at all.

 

Also watch out if:

6. You are always tired because he keeps you up at night.

7. You’re always explaining to people “I can’t go.”

8. Your anxiety soars if you’re just a few minutes late—you know how upset he’ll be.

8. Things are always your fault.

9. You get a lot of apology emails or make-up gifts from him.

10. You find you don’t do anything without him, or without him approving of it.

 

RUN if:

!! You find out he had a violent relationship with a former girlfriend.

!! He stalks you—at work, online, with GPS in your car.

!! He beats up a teammate or has a punch-out in a bar.

!! He’s ever been cruel to animals.

!!! He is ever physically violent to you.

 

And if you’re worried about a friend? She might be in trouble if:

1. She starts saying she can’t come to things you invite her to (because she has to be with her boyfriend.)

2. When you’re with her, she’s always on-edge about returning his messages immediately or being late to meet him.

3. She has bruises or scratches she can’t explain or tells you they were caused by an accident.

4. She stops doing things she loved before meeting the guy—hobbies, shopping, school, even working.

5. You just feel like you’re losing her.

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35 Little Acts of Kindness

Lately I’m really into making people’s days. I just think that there is too much hurt and petty crap in this world for  us to go around not helping out others just for the sake of doing so. So here are some ideas I found in O Magazine. Go out and be nice today people, if you absolutely need some sort of motivation – karma is a powerful thing – it’ll come back to you.

 

O, The Oprah Magazine  |  April 21, 2010

One small, thoughtful gesture can make someone else’s day…

1. Say “Good morning” to a person standing next to you in the elevator.

2. Pay the toll for the driver behind you.

3. Take a minute to direct someone who is lost, even though you’re rushing.

4. Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention. Kids love getting mail.

5. Offer to pick up groceries for an elderly neighbor, especially in extreme weather.

6. Give a homeless person your doggie bag.

7. Say “I love you” to someone you love.

8. Put a coin in an expired meter.

9. Help a mother carry her baby stroller up the subway stairs, or hold a door open for her.

10. Each time you get a new item of clothing, give away something old.

11. Take someone’s shift as the car-pool parent.

12. Bring your assistant coffee.

13. Out of the blue, send flowers to a friend.

14. Say “please” and “thank you”—and really mean it.

15. When you’re on a crowded train or bus, offer your seat to an elderly, disabled or pregnant person

 

16. Don’t interrupt when someone is explaining herself.

17. Let a fellow driver merge into your lane.

18. Offer to baby-sit for a single mom.

19. Put your shopping cart back in its place.

20. Call or write to a teacher who changed your life.

21. Bring a box of doughnuts to share at the office.

22. Forgive someone a debt–and never bring it up again.

23. Listen with all your senses.

24. Write a note to the boss of someone who helps you, and explain how great a job that person is doing.

25. Simply say “I’m sorry” when you’re wrong.

26. Throw away your trash—and someone else’s—after a movie, picnic or visit to a park.

27. Encourage someone who seems despondent.

28. Volunteer to take care of a friend’s dog while he is vacationing.

29. Help a friend pack for a move.

30. Ask someone “How are you really doing?”—and then really listen to her response.

31. Offer change when the person in front of you at the register comes up short.

32. Before a friend moves away, give her your favorite recipe or quote and a photo of the two of you together.

33. Leave a generous tip for a pleasant waiter.

34. At work, offer to transfer a caller who needs help from another department.

35. Pass along a great book you’ve just finished reading.

 

 

One small, thoughtful gesture can make someone else’s day. Print out our list of thirty five little acts of kindness, and check off at least one a day for the next month!

 

source: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/35-Little-Acts-of-Kindness/

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The Facts about Bottled Water

Reading the fine print: While a large portion of the world desperately seeks clean drinking water, the United States and other countries spend billions on bottled water when perfectly clean drinking water is readily available. Not only are we needlessly spending money on water with lower standards than those of tap water, we are also filling our landfills with billions of pounds of oil based plastics that take 1000’s of years to degrade. This graphic will present an overview of bottled water.

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Do a Good Deed

Hey everyone!
Lets all do something good today and pick up trash. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, if you’re walking across campus, or down the hallway at work, pick up any trash you see. Lets show those litterbugs how mother earth should be treated! Go!

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Above the Influence: Alcohol

Dear Readers, 

Alcohol is a very serious subject. People die, because of choices they make – because of choices other people make. A stranger could kill you tomorrow. Your neighbor could kill your child or your child’s teacher next week. In a month, you could be in jail. Any of this, and much more, can happen because of the improper use of alcohol. Innocent babies are put in cars with drunk mothers or family members for years, not knowing or being able to stand up for themselves. If by some miracle they make it until their teens, they are at higher risk of abusing alcohol themselves. High schoolers watch their classmates drink themselves into a deep hole because of home issues or a relationship that didn’t work out. This has to stop. Please, please, talk to your kids, parents, family members, and friends. Don’t be stupid. This is your life, and if you don’t care about your life well great, that’s your prerogative, but don’t screw up or end someone elses by drinking and driving, or drinking and fighting, or drinking and forgetting to lock your gun case, or pick up your kids, or turn off the stove. Just THINK before you act. People will help you. There is always a better way. You just have to give life a chance to present it, and you have to be willing to look for it. Please, just think. Thank you. 

  

What exactly is alcohol?

Alcohol is created when grains, fruits, or vegetables are fermented, a process that uses yeast or bacteria to change the sugars in the food into alcohol. Alcohol has different forms and can be used as a cleaner or antiseptic; however the kind of alcohol that people drink is ethanol, which is a sedative. When alcohol is consumed, it’s absorbed into a person’s bloodstream. From there, it affects the central nervous system (the brain and spinal cord), which controls virtually all body functions. Alcohol actually blocks some of the messages trying to get to the brain. This alters a person’s perceptions, emotions, movement, vision, and hearing. 

What are the basic risks?

Difficulty walking / Blurred vision / Slurred speech / Slowed reaction times / Impaired memory and blackouts / Mental confusion / Paralysis of the nerves that move the eyes / Difficulty with muscle coordination / Persistent learning and memory problems / Liver disease / Unintentional injuries / HIV risk due to impaired judgment 

Alcohol poisoning, which includes the following: Mental confusion, stupor, coma, or person cannot be roused / Vomiting / Seizures / Slow breathing (fewer than eight breaths per minute) / Irregular breathing (10 seconds or more between breaths) / Hypothermia (low body temperature), bluish skin color, paleness / Heart beats irregularly or stops / Hypoglycemia (too little blood sugar), which leads to seizures / Untreated severe dehydration from vomiting, which can cause seizures, permanent brain damage, or death 

Facts:

 

1. In 2006, more than 19% of drivers ages 16 to 20 who died in motor vehicle crashes had been drinking alcohol.
   Source: Dept of Transportation (US), National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA). Traffic Safety Facts 2006: Alcohol-Impaired Driving. Washington (DC): NHTSA; 2008 [cited 2008 Oct 22]. Available at URL: http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/810801.PDF
2. Of the 1,746 traffic fatalities among children ages 0 to 14 years in 2006, about one out of every six (17%) involved an alcohol-impaired driver.
   Source: Dept of Transportation (US), National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA). Traffic Safety Facts 2006: Alcohol-Impaired Driving. Washington (DC): NHTSA; 2008 [cited 2008 Oct 22]. Available at URL: http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/810801.PDF
3. The younger you are when you start drinking, the greater your chance of becoming addicted to alcohol at some point in your life. More than 4 in 10 people who begin drinking before age 15 eventually become alcoholics.
   Source: NIAAA; Underage Drinking: A Major Public Health Challenge, 2003
4. People who use both alcohol and drugs also are at risk for dangerous interactions between these substances. For example, a person who uses alcohol with depressants, whether these drugs are prescribed or taken illegally, is at increased risk of fatal poisoning.
   Source: NIAAA Alcohol Alert: ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUGS, 2008
5. Mixing alcohol with certain medications can cause, nausea and vomiting, headaches, drowsiness, fainting, loss of coordination.
   Source: NIAAA. Harmful Interactions: Mixing Alcohol with Medicines, 2007
6. Some medications — including many painkillers and cough, cold, and allergy remedies—contains more than one ingredient that can react with alcohol.
   Source: NIAAA. Harmful Interactions: Mixing Alcohol with Medicines, 2007
7. Depending on the type of medication, mixing with alcohol can cause: increased risk for overdose, fainting, changes in blood pressure, difficulty breathing, liver damage, stomach bleeding, blood clots, strokes, heart attacks, increased risk of seizures, death.
   Source: NIAAA. Harmful Interactions: Mixing Alcohol with Medicines, 2007
8. Combing alcohol with anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications can cause: increased risk of overdose, increased feelings of depression or hopelessness, and suicide in adolescents.
   Source: NIAAA. Harmful Interactions: Mixing Alcohol with Medicines, 2007
9. Alcohol is a depressant.
   Source: http://www.drugfree.org/portal/drug_guide/alcohol
10. Busy & Living Pretty is against drunk driving, underage drinking, and alcohol abuse.

Amazing & Helpful Sources:

 http://www.abovetheinfluence.com 

 http://alcoholfacts.org/ 

http://kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/alcohol/alcohol.html 

http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/ 

http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/ 

  

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Domestic Violence

The other day I went in with a friend to report the abuse her exboyfriend had been inflicting on her and the recent threats that he has made. It wasn’t easy to convince her. She was so brave and I couldn’t be prouder of her. If you or anyone you know is being abused, or has raised the question of whether or not they have been, then hopefully this article will offer some help and resources.

Definition

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:

• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
• actual or threatened physical harm
• sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.
ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM! Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems.

If you are being abused, REMEMBER 

1. You are not alone
2. It is not your fault
3. Help is available

What Exactly Is Abuse?

Many people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims. Also, abusers do not see themselves as being abusive. People often think of domestic violence as physical violence, such as hitting. However, domestic violence takes other forms, such as psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse.

Domestic violence is about one person in a relationship using a pattern of behaviors to control the other person. It can happen to people who are married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated, or dating.

If your partner repeatedly uses one or more of the following to control you; YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED!!

pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting

threatening you, your children, other family members or pets

threatening suicide to get you to do something

using or threatening to use a weapon against you

keeping or taking your paycheck

puts you down or makes you feel bad

forcing you to have sex or to do sexual acts you do not want or like

keeping you from seeing your friends, family or from going to work

Remember threatened or actual physical violence may be illegal. Consider calling the police for help

This chart uses the wheel to show the relationship of physical abuse to other forms of abuse. Each part shows a way to control or gain power.

 

 

Cycle of Violence

Incident

• Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

• Abuser starts to get angry
• Abuse may begin
• There is a breakdown of communication
• Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
• Tension becomes too much
• Victim feels like they are ‘walking on egg shells’

Making-Up

• Abuser may apologize for abuse
• Abuser may promise it will never happen again
• Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
• Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims 
• Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
• Physical abuse may not be taking place
• Promises made during ‘making-up’ may be met
• Victim may hope that the abuse is over
• Abuser may give gifts to victim 

How to Be Safe

Call the police

If you feel you are in danger from your abuser at any time, you can call 911 or your local police. HAVEN may be able to provide you with a cell phone that is programmed to only call 911. These phones are for when you need to call the police and cannot get to any other phone.

Consider the following:

If you are in danger when the police come, they can protect you.

They can help you and your children leave your home safely.

They can arrest your abuser when they have enough proof that you have been abused.

They can arrest your abuser if a personal protection order (PPO) has been violated.

When the police come, tell them everything the abuser did that made you call.

If you have been hit, tell the police where. Tell them how many times it happened. Show them any marks left on your body. Marks may take time to show up. If you see a mark after the police leave, call the police to take pictures of the marks. They may be used in court.

If your abuser has broken any property, show the police.

The police can give you information on domestic violence programs and shelters.

The police must make a report saying what happened to you. Police reports can be used in court if your abuser is charged with a crime.

Get the officers’ names, badge numbers, and the report number in case you need a copy of the report.

A police report can be used to help you get a PPO.

Get support from friends and family

Tell your supportive family, friends and co-workers what has happened.

Find a safe place

It is not fair. You should not have to leave your home because of what your abuser has done. But sometimes it is the only way you will be safe. There are shelters that can help you move to a different city or state. HAVEN can put you in touch with them.

Get medical help

If you have been hurt, go to the hospital or your doctor. Domestic violence advocates (people to help you) may be called to the hospital. They are there to give you support. You may ask medical staff to call one for you.

Medical records can be important in court cases. They can also help you get a PPO. Give all the information about your injuries and who hurt you that you feel safe to give.

Special medical concerns

• Sometimes you may not even know you are hurt.
• What seems like a small injury could be a big one.
• If you are pregnant and you were hit in your stomach, tell the doctor. Many abusers hurt unborn children.
• Domestic violence victims can be in danger of closed head injuries. This is because their abusers often hit them in the head. If any of these things happen after a hit to the head, get medical care right away.

Get a personal protection order

source: http://www.domesticviolence.org/

Memory loss
Dizziness
Problems with eyesight
Throwing-up
Headache that will not go away

Memory loss
Dizziness
Problems with eyesight
Throwing-up
Headache that will not go away

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Scholarships!

Hello Everyone!

I hope you all are doing magnificent, I really do. I want to apologize for the lack of posts lately – I’ve been swamped preparing for numerous things, changes, helping friends with major life changes, and getting things in order for me and others as well. Phew! Life is a rush. But I do have a teeny tiny little favor to ask of you all…now, only those of you heading towards college will be able to help. But really, it’s a great opportunity! Scholarships! Who wants to pay for school? I certainly don’t know anyone who wants to, so click the link below or the bright blue banner in the sidebar and sign up for Zinch, fill out your info to help them find the right scholarships and/or schools for you and apply, apply, apply!

It works kind of like “mooching”…It would greatly help me if you ended up winning one, but it wouldn’t take anything away from you. Its great. Here, straight from the site so you know I’m being up front with y’all:

We’re putting up $100,000 to double the scholarship money both you and your friends win, through our new Refer-A-Dweeb program.

It doesn’t matter if it’s $100 or $30,000 … If they win the scholarship, so do you. In full. Just for referring them.

Please please pleaseeee do this for me if you’re going to college?! It would make a huge difference. And if your child, or nice or nephew or friends kid is eligible for this, please tell them about this. Give them a nudge and have them use this link:

http://www.zinch.com/Anonymous/StudentRegister.aspx?affid=2193784

 

I would greatly appreciate your support. And once you’re signed up, you can even do the same thing I’m doing! Its pretty damn nifty! Lets see if it works!

 

CLICK HERE to help me by getting a free Zinch account and tons of scholarship suggestions and college help. Start applying for easy scholarships today! ♥

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Help Operation NICE

Help Operation NICE stay up and running by voting for them on the pepsi refresh site! They would appreciate your help! Thank youuu <3

www.operationnice.com

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News Flash:

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